Friday, March 1, 2013

a note from p (March 1, 2013)

I don't think I have any readers, but just in case one wanders in…

I've stalled. I'm stalling. I'm on pause. Again.

I realized major storyline re-writes were needed--character changes, even--and it no longer makes sense to keep writing what I know is the wrong storyline and with the wrong characters. I figured, well, I'll just go back and rewrite off-line, write a little synopsis of the changes, and then pick up online with the correct story arc.

I've stalled, am stalling, am on pause, again, offline with rewrites.

This is where things fall apart for me every single time: Rewrites. I find them overwhelming. When I draft, I take things minute by minute, letting things fall out how they want to fall out. I don't think too much about the big picture or how things fit together.

When I start thinking about rewrites, I leap ahead. I try to mastermind the details and overdirect the characters. I cut things into puzzle pieces and then lose them. I get lost in my own intentions, overwhelm, and shut down. I hate that I do this. But there it is. At least I'm consistent.

I am lost in rewrites. And feeling like a dumbass. The end.